So Not There (and other Oreo cookie cream-like observations)

Why am I always so “in between”? In between child and adult; followed by young adult and mature adult, and now–mature and old age adult. Somewhere between birth and death, lies life on Earth. With all these extra in between moments. In between mean and nice, smart and dirt-dumb, wise and foolish. Scurrying and resting. Relaxed and tense. Happy and sad. Gain and loss. Sane and insane. You get the picture?

The thing is—I just never feel that I’ve mastered any of the stuff “in between.” As though in between, in fact, means never quite “there” forever. “There” is a carrot dangled just out of reach. A theory that can never have proof. A fairy tale that tortures the heck out of reality.

We can fall “in between” the cracks in health care. And some people REALLY are ticking me off by asserting that people deserve to be in those cracks. The haves often are between nasty and not quite nice to the have nots. We can be in between two polarized issues, trying to see both sides. Not all that much is strictly black and white. A lot more than fifty shades of grey! Most people are in between the Holy and the Evil.

The in between dance keeps changing into free form just when I’ve finally memorized the structured steps. I’ve never been coordinated-ly gifted. Somewhere in between a total klutz and a semblance of gracefulness. Yet, my grandmother was a ballroom dance instructor! I can feel it, I just can’t demonstrate it.

I’ve been witness to beloved relatives being in between life and death. Seeing them struggling to figure out if it’s time to stop being in between the two. In between what is known and what remains unknown until taking that final step. And my heart breaking in between wanting to keep them and wanting to set them free from the struggle.

I’m even in between jobs! I had a job at which I was fairly decent. People wanted my help. The job was just absorbed by technology. That is a very painful place to be. I’m placing faith that it won’t be forever. I’m just in between patient and impatient.

Personally, I’m in between the “Thank God those kids are grown and gone and I can relax a little” and “It sure is dull around here without the kids” stages. It’s a little lonely, oftentimes.

When in college, I had an instructor-Mr. Eynon. He was so full of knowledge of language, theater, television, interpersonal relationships, and different cultures. He had a voice that commanded your attention without much effort, seemingly. He used to joke, when asked his age, that he was “Somewhere between old age and death.” I absolutely would have loved to have taken more classes with him, but that in between saying of his came to fulfillment too soon after we had met; specifically, one tiny semester. It was my loss, Mr. Eynon.

Perhaps the Father intends for me to be in between because I can never master anything. There may be room only for one Master. Ever and always and with Him never in between. That same Master who said He is my Brother and even my Servant. Perhaps to think we are no longer in between is not our judgment call because we cannot be qualified enough. Is in between the earthly reality and our expecting to be anywhere else just a human illusion?

I find myself in between the Question and the Answer. I thank God for knowing all of each and extremely patiently waiting and willing for me to learn, one painfully slow step at a time. And for being the Savior of the in betweens, as that is exactly what I need.

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~ by saginawrobin on June 12, 2012.

2 Responses to “So Not There (and other Oreo cookie cream-like observations)”

  1. Are we ever in-between? Are we not always within? Does the Father place you in-between or bring you within? When we begin, we are no longer in-between. Rather we are in the middle of something new (or ongoing). From the moment we enter this world, we are always in the middle of something, at least until we leave.

    • Agreed. Semantics? What you are referring to as in the middle of, I am saying in between two extremes. Not to say that the Father tortures us with, but saves us from being forever in between Himself and that Father of Lies, which is the earthly struggle. I KNOW I haven’t arrived yet; and I HOPE to not be the very worst of humanity on any given day. Sometimes I come closer to that end of the scale than anyone should. Within His love and yet between two behavior choices every day of my life. Am I going to do good or not? It could be possible (though I am just speculating) it is His intention to allow us to LEARN by being in between those two extremes. I believe it is His love and grace that bridge the space in between Earth and Heaven (whether Heaven is “up” or just an unseen dimension). I can never master anything except my reliance on Him. Even that seems to come from Him, as I often only think about it after the fact.
      Thanks for the food for thought! Something I had not thought about in advance!

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